What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 11:37
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Which one is better to guys, boobs or butt?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I don,t even have a pension.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
So whats the point in blame.
I was scared of men, in general
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Can you turn 150 pages into a 5 minute presentation before a meeting?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I was 9 years of age.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He knew the spot.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She found it foreign!.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Why is the covert narcissist actively avoiding me when they see me everyday?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Are there any nude pictures of women with big tits?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
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What did i know ?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
As i do to all so called friends.?
I never cut or harmed myself..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She was in good health!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I have no regrets .
I couldn’t, believe it.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
We were not on the streets..
I said to her
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
It was going to be , some day.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
My life is so biszare .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
So, i spoilt her more .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I waited trembling.
Was to survive, this bastard.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Would this be the day?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I will be 64.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Im still living with it.
She married twice! .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But, we were locked up after school.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I was very sick at this time too.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
All the time i was locked up.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I write beautiful poetry .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My family never makes their pension either.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Ive learnt so much.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But it wasn’t much.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
This is soul school!.
And i lived it daily.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She loved him until the end.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Who then, do I blame.?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I think the readers, may guess!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Why did i forgive my father ?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Comes on , in middle age.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Put me off passion for life!!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I was seconnd youngest,
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
One cannot live in the past .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
We all went to grammer schools
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
When she asked me how she looked .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She wouldn,t have been !
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Especially a lifetime of it.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.